


Will he come back?

by TrenchcoatsandMisery



Series: Who are we to each other? [2]
Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Eddie Kaspbrak, Adult Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Adult Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, Gay Richie Tozier, M/M, Oblivious Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, POV Eddie Kaspbrak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 09:14:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20757950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrenchcoatsandMisery/pseuds/TrenchcoatsandMisery
Summary: He doesn't love Myra.But what he feels for Richie isn't so clear cut.





	Will he come back?

He doesn’t love Myra. She’s both overbearing and withholding at the same time, a confusing and altogether misery-inducing combination. Part of him recognises that she is, at least in some part, his mother but he chooses to ignore that part. Because, while he may not love her and she _does_ use the same soap as his mother did, she’s safe.

Richie isn’t.

Richie is long limbs and messy hair. He’s dirty, crude, bickers with him constantly and definitely has some kind of alcohol problem. But he also makes Eddie laugh, makes him feel something again even when they’re just arguing over pineapple on pizza. The sex is great, Richie is great. But he’s also gay. And Eddie isn’t. 

_Sometimes he thinks he might love Richie. Some days he thinks he might hate himself more than anyone ever could. Some days he wonders if Richie might love him back._

He’s not in denial. Their first night together, after they’d… done it, he’d laughed awkwardly and asked if Richie was gay. Naked, except for a duvet he’d wrapped around himself like a toga, Richie had lit a joint and looked straight into Eddie’s eyes.

”Denial is for people who are afraid.”

The absolute conviction he’d said it with had stayed with Eddie ever since. Denial is for people who are afraid. He knew that Richie was gay, that they had sex. But Eddie didn’t consider himself gay. Because when it really came down to it, he didn’t like men. He just liked Richie. And that made him pathetic because this was it for him. There would only ever be Richie, Richie laughing with his head thrown back, Richie leaning in close as he whispered “I fucked your mother” in Eddie’s ear. There would never be another, while for Richie, he was one of many. Richie was everything, but Myra was safe. Myra loved him, maybe too much, maybe in a way that wasn’t quite right. But that was enough.  
……………………………………………..  
It wasn’t enough.

Richie was away and Eddie fucking _missed_ him. It was just like the bastard to mess with Eddie like this. He’d been gone for a week, some comedy tour, and Eddie was fucking tired of it. Myra was always there, poking him, crowding him for attention. And with Richie gone there was nowhere to escape too, no one to vent too, so he worked later and spent every second he could out of the house. He missed Richie’s stupid face, his loud laugh, his… company. Everything. It’s gotten so bad that he watches every YouTube clip he can with Tozier in it; talk shows, comedy clips, shitty fan videos. Richie is grinning and talking horseshit in every single one but Eddie can’t seem to look away, perched on the toilet with earbuds in as Myra shuffles around on the other side of the door. 

Complete and utter bastard.

When he does come back, Eddie has him through the motel door before he can even speak. Richie falls asleep after, glasses askew and hair the usual rumpled mess. He watches Richie breathe, smiles at his light snores, frowns as he twists and kicks Eddie in the shin. 

When he was a boy, Richie had been a permanent, unmovable object in his life. His mother, his teachers, his friends had all taken one look at the loudmouth with the thick glasses and brushed him off. But he’d stayed polite in front of parents, he’d gotten excellent grades and he’d kept on cracking jokes until they accepted him. Eddie had never doubted him, never questioned their relationship. They were Eddie and Richie, Richie and Eddie. Best friends, worst enemies, fighting in hammocks and hollering together on bikes. At thirteen he’d felt like the world was his, that nothing would ever change, jumping into quarry’s and riding faster than the wind.

At fourteen Richie had stopped touching him.

At fifteen he’d realised that a shirtless Richie stayed in his dreams longer than Jenna Harcomb’s bra strap.

At sixteen he’d stopped trying to touch Richie.

Lying here, he doesn’t think he could ever stop touching Richie again. But what he wants doesn’t matter, because while he might love Richie, Richie might not love him. Myra is safe, and isn’t that better than the possibility Richie might not come back the next time? 

He really hopes so.


End file.
